Highlights from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's 'Weekend Update' from 12/8

Related: SNL

"WEEKEND UPDATE" anchor Seth Meyers was on his game this weekend. Check out the highlights from Dec. 8: "On Thursday, Washington State's new laws legalizing marijuana and gay marriage both went into effect. So either way, great news for people who make cakes."

MEYERS – "President Obama on Monday used Twitter and urged supporters to pressure Republicans to accept his deal to avoid the fiscal cliff. Because if they won't listen to the president of the United States, maybe they'll listen to @muffinbuster14."

MEYERS – "The wife of New York City's Public Advocate Bill de Blasio, who is considering a run for mayor next year, issued a statement this week explaining that she was a lesbian before she married her husband in 1994. So it sounds like he's just the man we need to turn things around."

MEYERS – "President Obama on Thursday lit the National Christmas Tree. Or as Fox News reported it, "Obama Insults Israel.""

MEYERS – "Anderson Cooper this week profiled a condition called photokeratitis, after he temporarily blinded himself by not wearing sunglasses while on a boat. Ironically, the condition can also be caused by staring at Anderson Cooper in a white t-shirt."

MEYERS – "This Monday marked the 20th anniversary of the world's first text message, followed quickly by the second text message "New Phone… Who is this?""

MEYERS – "New York City's Stage Deli, which was famous for its overstuffed sandwiches named after celebrities, has closed after 75 years in business. Some are blaming the failure of the deli's latest sandwich: the Chicken Sandusky."

MEYERS – "Tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah. Which means many of our Jewish viewers are probably watching in a brand new pair of socks."

MEYERS – "Starbucks this week introduced a new 450 dollar gift card that is made of steel. Because how many times have you been standing in line at Starbucks and thought "man, I wish I had a sharp piece of steel right now?""

MEYERS – "A hot new trend on YouTube is "Milking," in which people record themselves pouring a gallon of milk over their heads. While another hot new trend is having our asses handed to us by China."

MEYERS – "Jane Fonda has released a new yoga DVD aimed at older adults. Because if there are two things older people love, it's DVDs and getting down on the floor."

MEYERS – "A man from Scotland recently completed seven ultramarathons on all seven continents in seven days. Meanwhile, I fell asleep in the middle of a haircut."

MEYERS – "A woman in Georgia is claiming that she found a nose ring in her 4 year-old daughter's McDonald's breakfast burrito. Which I believe means she wins a visit with White Trash Willy Wonka."