Quotables from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH SETH MEYERS

Below, check out quotables from last weekend's "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH Seth Meyers:

"WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR Seth Meyers – "According to poll data, President Obama's victory on Tuesday was due largely to his popularity with both college students and the unemployed. So basically Obama became President the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers."

MEYERS – "After this week's election 19 women will now hold seats in the Senate, which is the highest number ever. And no one is happier about it than the pantsuit industry."

MEYERS – "CIA director General David Petraeus resigned Friday after it was revealed he was having an affair with the woman who wrote his biography, "All In." Of course when they first started working on the book, it was called, "Just The Tip."

MEYERS – "Navy officials said Thursday that seven members of SEAL Team 6, the elite unit that killed Osama Bin Laden, were given career-ending reprimands after they disclosed operational secrets to the makers of the videogame "Medal
of Honor." Now everyone knows Bin Laden was killed by A, B, A, B, up, down, right trigger, left trigger."

MEYERS – "A Texas woman says that she was ripped off after she bought an iPad from a man at a gas station for 200 dollars that turned out to just be a wrapped up mirror. Worse, she couldn't reach the police on the iPhone he sold her."

MEYERS – "NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said this week that the high quality of HDTV is hurting attendance at the games since the experience of watching at home is so good. "Is it though?" said guys with wives."

MEYERS – "A manufacturer of clothes for infants has created a new outfit that has mops on the arms and legs so that babies can clean the floor as they move around the house. It's great if you've ever wondered "how can I get all this dirt and bacteria off the floor and onto my baby?"

MEYERS – "Officials in Iceland are holding a contest to come up with a new name for the country in hopes of combating its image of the country as a barren wasteland. Unfortunately, the most popular entry so far is "Barren Wasteland".

MEYERS – "A new study suggests that men who are chronic heavy drinkers suffer damage to the parts of their brain that involve understanding and processing emotion. Which if I'm not mistaken, is the point."

MEYERS – "A recent report shows that some companies hired to do background checks on new employees are costing people jobs because they are confusing applicants with criminals with the same names. It's just more bad news for
out of work accountant O.J. Simpson."

MEYERS – "A Florida man, who fell off his horse while drinking, was arrested after he unsuccessfully tried to shoot the animal. Interesting side note… his vote counted exactly as much as your vote."
"Saturday Night Live," NBC's Emmy Award-winning late-night comedy showcase, enters its 38th season in September for another year of laughs, surprises and great performances.

Since its inception in 1975, "SNL" has launched the careers of many of the brightest comedy performers of their generation; and, as The New York Times noted on the occasion of the show's Emmy-winning 25th Anniversary special in 1999: "In defiance of both time and show business convention, 'SNL' is still the most pervasive influence on the art of comedy in contemporary culture." At the close of the century, "Saturday Night Live" placed seventh on Entertainment Weekly's list of the Top 100 Entertainers of the past fifty years.

The program has won 36 Emmy Awards and now holds the title for the most nominated television show in Emmy history with 156 nominations. "SNL" has been honored twice, in 1990 and 2009, with the prestigious George Foster Peabody Award and cited as "truly a national institution." "Saturday Night Live" was inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame by the National Association of Broadcasters, and the show continues to garner the highest ratings of any late-night television program, entertaining millions each week.

Photo credit: Dana Edelson/NBC